You showed up at my door,
your hair as dark as night.
I could tell after a few sentences
that you were not so bright.

We went out anyway
because i didn't want to be rude,
but after spending five minutes with you,
I could see why they said you were a prude.

You laughed at your own jokes,
you stuffed your face with food.
You yelled at the waiter,
then you spit turkey on my shoe

We walked together hand in hand.
You insisted we were meant to be,
then you hit me with a tree branch
and took every last cent of my money.

I watched you walk away,
laughing to yourself,
then you fell into the water
and had the nerve to scream for help.

I knew you would surely drown
as I watched you splash about,
but you still had my wallet in your hand
so I reached in and pulled you out.

I took you home
You got my seat all wet
You never even said "Thank you."
Instead, you scratched my new Corvette.

I sat there in my car.
I felt like such a putz,
so I drove to my friend's house who set us up
and I kicked him in the nuts.