I was walking down the street one day, when I paused to watch a mime perform. He tried to put me in a box, but I kicked him in the shin. With no desire of my own to talk to the weirdo, I gave him some sign language of my own.

I yelled, "Jailbreak!"

He chased me and tried to rope me with an invisible lasso. As I was running, I kept looking behind me so of course, I tripped on a crack in the sidewalk (darn city workers).

I thought it was all over, until a blind dude came out of nowhere and tapped the mime in the nostril, rendering the mime's powers useless. I picked myself up and ran away from the creepy park as fast as I could. I got outside of the gate to the park, and this homeless guy totally asked me for some change.

I said, "Only you can change yourself."

This, of course, pissed him off because he was drunk, so he threw his boot at my head. It totally caught me off guard and hit me square on the beak; however, I did notice that his boots were Gucci and had no toes.

I thought, "This bum's got style."

So I took off with the Gucci toeless boot, but a cop saw me and thought I was holding up the bum. "How could I hold up this bum?" I said, almost laughing. "he can't even hold himself up." Going on, I added, "What am I going to take from him, his toeless boots?"

Then I realized I was still holding the Gucci.

I yelled, "OH SNAP!" as I threw the boot at the cop and dashed for the ghetto. The cop tried to chase after me, but there was a doughnut shop on the way to the ghetto, so he was distracted. Looking at the buildings and people that were hanging out 'round there, I started to feel a bit more intimidated. That was until I saw my girlfriend Stacy's mom, on the corner, in fishnet stockings, thigh-high boots, and smeared lipstick.

"So this was her day job," I thought to myself, "and all this time, I thought she was a mime."

I was about to go see how much, but somebody beat me to it. It was my mom... and my dad was with her! I laughed as I watched them being put into an invisible box, I thought about rescuing them, but they were too far in. Stacy's mom did a silent lasso toss around my parents and the three of them walked to a seedy hotel together. The place was called the "Sleep Eazy Motel"; however a few of the letters didn't light up so it read, "Sleep Eazy Motel". Seeing this really pissed me off, because my parents had made me get a job to help with the bills; they could be using part of my paycheck to sleep with my girlfriend's mom and I hadn't even slept with my girlfriend yet. I'm curious how a mime moans, though, so I think I'll wait until they're done and ask.

Better yet, I could listen through the paper thin walls.

I went ahead and rented the room right next door. As I pressed my ear against the wall, I heard nothing but the disgusting groans of my dad in heat. There was a crack in the wall, where I was able to see the mime was pretend-handcuffed to the bed. Deciding that was too odd for me, I left, but I made sure I took a picture for blackmailing purposes later.

I sauntered home to relax after a confusing and active day. I fell asleep in the large recliner in the living room, where my cat (who was aptly named "Mr. Nappy-Time") had crawled onto my lap and fallen asleep.

--The End