One day I was going for a ride when I came to a fork in the road. I wondered, "who was eating out here in the desert?" As I was wondering, I noticed a little purple man in the distance. I thought I was seeing things, but it turned out I was really high because of it being 4/20 'n all.

I decided to get back in the car and keep riding to the party. That "special someone" was there, and tonight was the night that I was going to make my move. I was thinking about that person so intently that I ran a red light and before I knew it a cop was behind me flashing his lights.

"Whoa!" I yelled as I punched the gas and passed a semi, nearly crashing with an oncoming Blazer. Fortunately the cop must not have been watching me pass the red light, because he wasn't after me before, but now he was. "Just my luck," I thought as I threw a bag of 'stuff' out of the window. Now how was I gonna get that "special someone" to want me? I wasn't exactly sure of that, but I was sure that I had to outrun the state trooper.

I threw the car into high gear, swerved around a corner and into a garage that had been left open. I shut the car off and jumped out to close the garage door. Once the door was shut, I only had to wait about 15 seconds before I heard the trooper speed by. I knew he had lost me, but it was a totally different story when the owner flew into the garage in his bathrobe, with a 30-06 in his hands. As soon as he glanced at the NRA bumper sticker on my car, though, a huge smile slowly crept across his face.

"Goddamn" I thought to myself.....from seeing purple people to guys with high powered rifles, I wondered how this day could get any worse. The guy was so happy to know a 'young-gun' was pro-NRA that he didn't even care about the cop who flew by, obviously after me. After talking with him for a few hours, it turned out that he was actually NRA President and Planet of the Apes star, Charlton Heston! After a while, he finally asked me where I was headed and I told him I was heading to a party to see my "special someone", but now I was too scared to take my car out on the streets.

It turned out that Heston was a nut who had turned his white '67 Cadillac into a mock up of the space ship he was in when "Planet of the Apes" first came out. He said I could borrow it to go to my party, I said sure, but all I could think was, "How is this supposed to be a babe magnet?" I figured that I'd just catch a ride home with my "special someone" and come back later to bring the Caddy back.

I took the caddy/babe-repellent and finally took off to the party again. I got to the corner and went to flip my turn signal on--only to see the trooper that had been chasing me sleeping across the road. Luckily, he didn't recognize me without my own car (either that or he never woke up). I thought about being an evil bastard and calling 911 to tell them that my car was in Heston's garage....but I couldn't do it.

Finally, about two hours late, I pulled into my friend's driveway for the party, I hoped my "special someone" (from now on referred to only as SS) was still there, but first I thought I'd see what kind of tunes CH had in the back of his intergalactic-terrestrial vehicle. I was totally grossed out; in the back seat, he had a blow-up doll that looked like a female ape. Skeeved out by the cooties that must have been crawling all over it, I practically ran to my friend's front door. It took Alex forever to open the door, she was totally bonged out--just like I had hoped to be within the next five minutes, I had a lot of catching up to do.

SS stumbled out of the bathroom, smiling like a fiend....I was on my back in seconds, getting my face licked for some reason. (This had to be some good shit.) I guess I didn't have to worry about making a move. The last thing I remember was SS dragging me into an empty bedroom, where we exhausted ourselves and finally passed out. I had a huge smile on my face as my 4/20 adventure was coming to an end.